This year in keeping with the word for the year “Flourish” I am doing things I normally wouldn’t do because hello Mrs. Anxiety – like driving to Fayetteville on a busy interstate, to attending conferences and seminars. Not only am I doing this to aid in my flourishing, but I am also inviting friends along for the ride when I have plus one. Tuesday night fit both of those bills.
I have long been a fan of The Flourish Market, not only am I honored to be their first ever customer but the things that Emily and her team are doing isn’t just about making money. It is about creating a community of customers, yes mostly women, that feel their worth, from the artisan’s companies that she buys from to the customers that they sell to – the team at The Flourish Market aren’t afraid to discuss those subjects that society would rather stay buried.
Tuesday night was the first in a series of events at The Flourish Market that discussed one of those hard-hitting subjects. Anxiety!!!! Not only do I suffer from it, but I am going to admit that I have passed it down to my daughters. They learned a lot of it from my behavior. When I scooped up the tickets, I did it really thinking that I was going to see how I could help my daughters deal with it. But in fact, I think I knew secretly that this was going to help me too.
So now that I have set the stage for the event, let’s jump right in. My friend Cindi and I arrived a few minutes early and shopped. Because hello, I can’t go to The Flourish Market without buying something. As we were looking at the racks lined up on the sidewalks, Emily, the owner of The Flourish Market and the speaker for the night Kat Harris from The Refined Woman arrived. Looking at these two very put together women, you would never know that they suffer from bouts of anxiety. As the night went on, both Kat and Emily shared their stories of panic attacks, how fear drives their anxiety and how they feel at times they aren’t worthy.
As I was sitting there listening to them, I realized that most of what they said I so could identify with, I too feel unworthy most of the times. When I look in the mirror, I only see the flaws- things that make me unique – I see as things that make me unloved and unwanted.
Something that Kat said made me think I mean really think- and I realized that I give into my fear way too much. I mean whenever I go to a blogging event I am always comparing myself to other bloggers I see, and I question whether I have any business being there. Honestly, most of the time my negative self takes control when I arrive at an event. Most of the time I am withdrawn around new people unless there is at least one person in the group I know. I realized that when Kat said that what do in our moments of struggles is what matter. And I can so see this as true- most of the time I bury my head in the sand and just let the negativity take control. But I am working so hard on not doing that anymore. Because as Kat and Emily said, “Our thought life is what drives our minds and our bodies.”
Admitting and telling you the story that I am not perfect, that I am perfectly imperfect is the first step in what I know will be a long journey full of turmoil and tears, but as they say, the journey begins when we take our first step.”
And not only did I take my first step on Tuesday night, I took several steps. The first step was attending the event, the second was driving to Raleigh in the Honda (remember how that car gives me confidence), and then the car ride home. As my friend and I chatted about the night, we both were in tears as we talked about how we aren’t what people think we are and how we can put up brave fronts but, we feel unworthy of respect, love and most importantly friends. In that car ride home, we vowed to be that friend for each other. You know the kind of friend I am talking about – the one that sees you at your worst – ugly crying, no makeup, self-pitying you (Yep not a pretty picture.) But to be real sometimes a person isn’t just a pretty picture it is what is underneath that counts and vowing to be that friend that loves each other warts and all will make us both believe that we are worthy!!!
Tell me are you Worthy? The answer for everyone reading this should be Yes!