Treading Water

 

AFM treading water

 

I have been struggling lately. Let me rephrase this we are struggling to keep our heads above water, we are just treading water. How can I teach you about being frugal when we are at the point of drowning? When Gracie became sick, we lost my income yea I did not make a lot but it still allowed us to keep up on bills and have a little extra for emergencies and to have fun every once in a while. But now there is no money to help with the bills and that emergency fund is long gone. Now there is nothing, we are living with just my husband’s paycheck. We have to pick and choose which bills to get paid at what time and when to let another go another week without getting paid at all. He is picking up odd jobs but at a cost to our time together as a family as well as to his health. Because Gracie is still on half days, I am still not able to go back to work. Her school hours are 10:30 -4:30. There are some days she goes in the morning and I pick her up at 1:10 and there are other days that she goes 1:45-4:30. Because her school’s schedule is so different from my school’s schedule 7:45- 3:15 I am not able to work because I have be there to take her in the beginning of school and to pick her up afterschool.

I am at my breaking point right now. I feel like I am drowning and there is no way out. It would be different if she had some other disease, like cancer. (God forbid). Side Note: No way am I saying that any other disease is better than others, or that any disease deserves less attention. )  there would be offers of help- fundraisers and such but because it is Epilepsy- a disorder makes you appear normal when they really are not. There are no offers of help or anyone constantly asking what can we do for you? (I do have several AWESOME friends that have been there for emotional support.) No meals brought over to take the stress of off a normal everyday decision.) We are left adrift trying to figure out how we are going to keep from going under.

Having a child who is sick – changes the dynamic of the whole family. The stress levels are out of this world and tempers have flared a lot. As well as plenty of tears flowing. There are times, when I think – Why us? Why my child? Why God did chose us to go through this now? What did we do to deserve for this to happen to us? And what did Gracie do to have this disease?

I have cried myself to sleep too many nights asking for help for this situation. Asking for answers of why, asking for a shoulder to cry on as well as finding more opportunities to earn money through the blog. (At this point it is the only way I can contribute to the household finances.) I have felt like “God, why have you forsaken me?” My faith has taken a deep hit as well. I learned that are just a handful of people in my life that I can lean on without them judging the way I feel or telling me to snap out of it and just get over it.

I am also grieving for the loss of a normal childhood for Gracie and the change in our family as well. I know this is not a life threatening illness but still it has changed our “normal” life (whatever that was) into one filled with change and learning to adapt to the new situation.

Have you ever felt like this? Please if you have know that you are not alone. Please leave a comment below and tell me what you did to get out of this “no end in sight” situation?

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22 Comments

  1. I feel so terribly for you. Things sound very tough right now; I hope that your friends and family realise that you need more support than is currently being offered and step up to help. I know how hard it is to ask for actual help. I’m so sorry and my prayers are with you.

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this! I have felt like I was drowning many times, and all I know to do is try to put the best spin on it, do what you can to make the best of it, and have faith…it will pass. Life is full of changes, and ups and downs, but from what I have experienced, as long as you keep your faith – and tell yourself that it will be okay – then it will. We are in the same boat – or rather out of it, lol- and barely keeping our head above the water financially too, but somehow, we always manage to pull through. And believe me, I know how hard financial difficulties can effect everything, even your marriage. Praying for you and your family.

  4. I am sorry to hear how overwhelmed you feel. I know that must be very frustrating. The only thing I can offer is that if you can somehow view it in a positive it might help a little. I hope things improve for you all soon.

  6. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have to deal with that. I do hope you get the support you need to make this a little easier on all of you.

  7. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I know it doesn’t help you situation, but I can understand that feeling of treading water. Having a child with special needs, we have so many appointments, doctor bills, etc. My advice is to just take one day at a time. Sending prayers for you and your family!

  8. I am feeling the same way right now. I have no clue where anything is going to come from and all I can do is hope and pray things will work themselves out. Keep your head up and stay strong for your baby girl, you’re in my prayers.

  10. *HUGS*
    Thank you for sharing your life. You may not know it, but it can help someone else knowing they aren’t alone.

    I’m there financially, but not a sick child. Maybe a sick husband and wondering the same questions to God. But I’ve learned that God is not afraid of our hard questions and it’s okay to scream at him.

    So far we haven’t gone hungry, even just like you, we had to choose which bills were paid this month and which ones had to be pushed.
    It’s a hair-hanging situation at times.

    I wish I could bring you food.
    That is why community is so important because we do need each other and if we are alone, then no one knows what we are going through or how to help.

    I finally reached out to my inlaws to let them know what was happening with us. It’s hard to choose whom to speak to, but do reach out.

    And don’t give up and just one moment at a time. I hope you get time to replenish, especially as a mom.
    *HUGS*

  11. I do not have children so I do not know the pain of having to try and help one through an illness. I can tell you that my father had epilepsy in a time when medicine had very little to offer and yet he went on to marry, have a very successful career and 4 children. None of us have the disease.
    There are no words I can give that can alter your challenges but I am sending my positive thoughts your way.

  12. Thank you for your kind thoughts that is what made the difference knowing I am not alone.

  13. I know I hestitated with publishing this post but I sent it to a friend of mine and she said to post it. Other people are going though this as well and everybody needs to know that they are not alone. Thanks for just reading my ramblings.

  14. Thanks I wrote that post mainly to get my feelings out on paper and I will have to say it is the best kind of therapy.

  17. Thanks after reading this some friends are starting to poke their heads in and asking

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