God Knew I Needed Jesus
The title of this post sounds kind of funny, doesn’t it? But He sure knew that more than I did and sent me so many signs last Thursday. Let me begin at the beginning as you know I had a complicated relationship with my mom. I loved her but I never felt like she loved me as much as she loved my other sisters. In fact, my sister Karen ( when she was alive) and I would often talk about how we felt we were treated differently. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise to me when she passed last week that she once again showed how things should be on her terms. So now you know let me share with you the ways God Knew I Needed Jesus and how He showed up.
My mom passed away on Sunday, August 27. Her death was unexpected just a few weeks earlier when I sat by her hospital bed as she recovered from a broken hip she said she wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. But she had already planned her funeral just in case. So when she passed we knew that there were some things that she wanted done. And for the most part, my sister and I agreed on it. Big shocker because we never agreed on anything.
During my life, my mom would take little jabs at me that would poke holes in my self-confidence. So I don’t know why I was surprised that she did just after she was gone. From sitting with the funeral director to overhearing conversations that were being said when they thought I wasn’t around. I learned very quickly that those jabs were still continuing. And the thing is nobody knows my side of the story – they don’t know that I was yelled at my daughter’s wedding, that I was uninvited to spend holidays with them, that I was left out of everything. All they know is that I was never around- not because I didn’t want to be but because I was tired of being hurt. In time – like in a book- I will tell my whole story but now let’s just say I was always the one left out.
So after spending a few days dealing with this crap, the night of visitation came around. Some of my amazing friends- who didn’t know my mom showed up for me. One hugged me tight and told me to keep my eyes on Jesus. I broke down in her arms because I just knew she got it. She came with two friends who I hadn’t seen in years, which made me cry even more. ( More on those friends later on).
Also, one of my new friends, Amy who I met at She Speaks came by to give me a hug and show some support. Y’all I just met this lady back in July but I know we will be lifelong friends.
Then Mrs. Paula showed up. This was the lady who back in 2014-2015 spoke these words over me when all the trials were happening- She told me back then that God was calling me closer to Him. I told her Wednesday how much those words meant to me back then and how it deepened my faith because of it. And she hugged me and said stay close to Him – He will comfort you.
So God knew I needed Jesus and sent these amazing friends to the visitation to let me know He saw me and He heard me. But He went a little bit beyond that when after the visitation we went to get a bite to eat and who do I see sitting at the restaurant but those two friends whom I hadn’t seen in years. As my family sat and ate dinner I sat with my friends and just poured my heart out to them. They got it and they understood.
Then the day of the funeral came, I sat down with my Bible at my house while we were waiting to be picked up and searched for verses to give me the courage to get through the day. And also so that I would practice patience and understanding. One verse kept coming into my head or should I say one phrase kept coming to my head. I asked Gracie to Google it and went off looking for it. Each Bible verse that she said I could apply to what I was feeling but they didn’t have the phrase that was in my head. God led us down the road to these verses because He knew I needed those verses to uphold me. But this was the one I was searching for
And boy did He uphold me. When the limos came to pick us up my sister decided that we would ride with our families instead of her and I riding in the limo together. I was like okay but y’all guess who was driving the one we rode in? “The Preacher” not gonna lie folks, I chuckled to myself that God knew I needed Jesus because He put me in the car with the preacher. I realized that He was showing me in ways that my mom never could that His love for me was unconditional and that regardless of how I was viewed I was precious to Him. So that the story of how God knew I needed Jesus and how I knew He was covering me with His love.
PS I would be remiss if I didn’t add that my girls’ former elementary school principal ( who I also worked for back when I was teaching) showed up at the funeral. I hadn’t seen him in years. But he said he had just gotten back from a trip and as soon as he read in the paper of my mom’s passing he hightailed to the funeral home and came in as Maddie was sharing about my mom- her nana. He then came to the grave and ended up coming back to the house. God knew I needed Jesus and they came in the form of some amazing people.
Do I mourn the loss of my mom? Yes for sure but I am at peace finally knowing that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I no longer have strings attached for unconditional love.
