Letting Go – What are You Hanging Onto?

I am taking part in the #nablopomo18 writing party.

Letting Go - What are You Hanging Onto from North Carolina Lifestyle Blogger Adventures of Frugal Mom

If someone had asked what I was hanging onto I would simply say nothing I am perfectly happy in life.

But in all honesty that would have been a lie. There are words spoken in my childhood that still haunt me, and no matter how many times I try to leave them in their past in the times where I am struggling, they always rear their ugly head.

Those words I can remember so clearly.

“She has to say that she is pretty because nobody else will ever tell her that.”

Those words cut through my 10-year-old heart like a knife. Those words not spoken in anger but spoken just the same have defined how I look at myself as a woman. It is how I looked at myself as a young mom and how on some days, I still struggle with today.

Those words nobody will ever tell her that. Those words that spewed venom onto my self-esteem and crashed it into a million little pieces on the floor. Those words that made me believe that I was not worthy enough or good enough to love. Those words that lead to an unexpected blessing and to the life I have now.

Those words even to this day, as I look at my three beautiful girls, I wonder are they really mine or was some mix-up at the hospital. Those words that made me hide from the world things I truly felt because I didn’t want people not to like me based on what I felt. Those words that cut me down for so long and somehow tricked me into thinking that who cares what my teeth look like or how much weight I put on Nobody thinks I am pretty anyway.

Those words that made me determined to tell my girls so many times that are beautiful. Those words that made me want to break the downward spiral that I did not want to pass onto my girls.
Those words that made me feel so unworthy of love. Those words that almost broke up my marriage because I didn’t trust that I was enough. Those words nobody else will ever tell her that- those simple words that mean nothing apart but put together destroyed a young girl’s dreams for her future.

Letting Go - What are You Hanging Onto from North Carolina Lifestyle Blogger Adventures of Frugal Mom 1

Those words that I AM NOT allowing myself to be a slave to anymore. THOSE WORDS ARE WRONG. I AM ENOUGH, AND SOMEONE WILL TELL ME THAT. In fact, they have- my loves- my husband, my girls, and MY GOD!!!

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7 Comments

  1. I struggle with this too so I understand where you’re coming from, but there is such a freedom in letting go and kudos to you for trying it. You have an amazing light shining inside of you, such a beautiful, thoughtful heart. I know you add beauty to all around you. Those beautiful girls wouldn’t be who they are without your influence!

  2. It is always amazing how people try to say that words don’t hurt, but they truly can. I try to be conscious about what I say to others as well as myself. I have had some hurtful things said to me throughout my life, but like you, I am choosing to believe what God says about me. I am enough, I am beautifully made and I am enough! God bless you!

  3. Words are such a powerful thing. I truly believe in using our words to lift each other up. Thank you for using your words to share your story. A mantra that I live by is “I am enough, I am so enough, it is unbelievable about enough I am.”

  4. I still remember my dad commenting on my weight to my mom when he thought I was sleeping. It was so concerning to him that I may eat an extra piece of pizza and get fat. So concerning that I was also guilted into joining curves when I was 21 and interning in another state for the summer (and not overweight by any means). While I’m more comfortable with me and with my current body shape (that now IS a little overweight) I still cringe a little when I see them because I’m sure they are talking about it when I’m not around. Sad.

  5. “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” Ps. 129:14 THESE ARE THE WORDS that were meant for you. You my friend are so much bigger than and worth so much more than any words a person could speak over you. I am so grateful for who you are and the gift you have been to those around you – including me.

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