As many of you have noticed, my personal post have been few and far between for a while. But now that things have calmed down I thought I would write a post about what has been happening with me? Normally most people look forward to the summer months but not me. I need the schedule of the school year to keep myself motivated. Summer is normally the time that I go into a depression and it hard for me to come out. I have found myself distancing myself from friends way before the school year ended. Even for a while eating lunch by myself. I am making plans for my girls and I to do fun things this summer, whether we are going to the beach or just bowling. I am vowing to get out of this house. But sometimes money stands in the way.
So here is what has been happening with me lately. My oldest graduated from high school in a way , she did but she did not. Maddie decided to take advantage of a program that her school offers that allow for her to stay a 5th year and earn her two year college degree for free. And the fact that she wants to be a psychiatrist ever little penny saved would be helpful in the long run.
As if having one graduate from high school wasn’t enough emotionally , I have had also had the realization that I no longer have a child in elementary school. Gracie graduated from Elementary School last Thursday and I have to admit the tears were flowing. Both of these events are very emotional events which I think has added to the stress of the depression.
That and other things have made me want to crawl into a hole for a while. First let me explain, after I had Gracie I have always thought that our family was complete until the last 10 years or so. I have found that I am longing to hold another baby in my arms. Feeling the call of God, telling me that our family is not complete. Trying to convince my husband otherwise, has been another story. He finally about a month ago decided to try but only because he was out of what we needed to use for protection. ( hidden meaning there?) I have to admit in that month I have never felt closer to my husband. Because after 19 years together, things are not always so perfect. Yes we fight, but he is always to the first to mention the dreaded D word. So with that said we have had a rough 6 months or so with lots of tears and fights. But having that intimate closeness has bought us closer together.
But sadly, I have to admit that there will be no baby to add to this family. That is adding a little to the depression.
Adding to this as well, the one year anniversary of the death of our sweet nephew, Victor Raul. It does not seem like a year ago when I wrote this post.
I felt like I owed it to you guys to let you know what is going on with me? Have you ever suffered from seasonal depression? What have you done to overcome this?