What Has been happening lately???

As many of you have noticed, my personal post have been few and far between forĀ  a while. But now that things have calmed down I thought I would write a post about what has been happening with me? Normally most people look forward to the summer months but not me. I need the schedule of the school year to keep myself motivated. Summer is normally the time that I go into a depression and it hard for me to come out. I have found myself distancing myselfĀ from friends way before the schoolĀ year ended. Even for a while eating lunch by myself. Ā I am making plans for my girls and I to do fun things this summer, whether we are going to the beach or just bowling. I am vowing to get out of this house. But sometimes money stands in the way.

AFM Maddie

So here is what has been happening with me lately. My oldest graduated from high school in a way , she did but she did not. Maddie decided to take advantage of a program that her school offers that allow for her to stay a 5th year and earn her two year college degree for free. And the fact that she wants to be a psychiatrist ever little penny saved would be helpful in the long run.

AFM Gracie G

As if having one graduate from high school wasn’t enough emotionally ,Ā  I have had also had the realization that I no longer have a child in elementary school. Gracie graduated from Elementary School last Thursday and I have to admit the tears were flowing. Both of these events are very emotional events which I think has added to the stress of the depression.

That and other things have made me want to crawl into a hole for a while. First let me explain, after I had Gracie I have always thought that our family was complete until the last 10 years or so. I have found that I am longing to hold another baby in my arms. Feeling the call of God, telling me that our family is not complete. Trying to convince my husband otherwise, has been another story. He finally about a month ago decided to try but only because he was out of what we needed to use for protection. ( hidden meaning there?) I have to admit in that month I have never felt closer to my husband. Because after 19 years together, things are not always so perfect. Yes we fight, but he is always to the first to mention the dreaded D word. So with that said we have had a rough 6 months or so with lots of tears and fights. But having that intimate closeness has bought us closer together.

False-Negative-Pregnancy-Test

But sadly, I have to admit that there will be no baby to add to this family. That is adding a little to the depression.

Adding to this as well, the one year anniversary of the death of our sweet nephew, Victor Raul. It does not seem like a year ago when I wrote this post.

I felt like I owed it to you guys to let you know what is going on with me? Have you ever suffered from seasonal depression? What have you done to overcome this?

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16 Comments

  1. Hugs to you, Melissa. It is not easy to talk about all of this, even though most of us experience it at one time or another. It sounds like you not only are dealing with season of the year sadness but also season of life sadness. I know what it’s like to realize that your family is complete, that you will never go through the joy and the tumult of giving birth and having that little one in your life. It comes to all women, I think. It is a very hard bridge to cross. I pray that you will find comfort and peace in whatever answers are given to you and that you move on from strength to strength. Hang in there.

  2. Hang in there! you took the first step by writing.it will all fall into place šŸ™‚

  3. What an emotional roller coaster! If it is God’s will it will come! Hard words to hear but the truth. I’ve had 3 kids and still long for another child. My husband says we are done financially and mentally but I don’t feel that. I have placed it in Gods hands and what happens is meant to be.

  4. yes it is a very emotional rollercoaster. It looks like we are in the same boat.

  5. thanks Regina this was probably the hardest story I have ever written

  6. It sounds like you have a lot of different things on your plate and I could see how all of this is overwhelming. Congratulations on your children’s success in school, it is a testament to the wonderful parent that you are. I hope you start to feel better soon and you can have a little peace.

  7. Thanks and yes and no about a lot on my plate just feel so overwhelmed at times

  8. awwwww no reason for the gloom hun, your kids are amazing moving up and reaching milestones ! You should be a proud happy mom for the achievement! As for no baby coming yet it is always fun to try! yay! hugs to you!

  9. thanks and I am thankful for what I have but there are some days that tears just flow

  10. Hang in there, things can be tough sometimes but it’s these times that help us to enjoy and greater appreciate the joyful times in life. I know graduations will be tough but be proud of your beautiful girls and what they’ve accomplished. Chin up and hope you feel better soon!

  11. I am proud of them. Thank you for the kind words and for the compliment of saying that they are Beautiful

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