I will tell you that I am writing this post not as a poor me post but as a realization post. Recently, I have been going through a lot in my personal life. Anyone that knows me knows that I don’t open to up to others easily. I guard my heart and my words. And for good reason, each time I have stepped out of my comfort zone and shared a little piece of my struggle, my heart is broken even more. Because I have either been laughed at or ridiculed for my struggle.
With all that has happened to me in the past, I am not an open book. And when it comes to sharing I really really have to trust you to share. There are very few people in my life that I share my true feelings with and for good reason.
Within the last month, I have shared my struggle with two of my best friends who I thought would have my back. Let me preface this that when I do share it takes a lot of for me too. I really really really (yes triple really there) have to trust you. And for me, that trust doesn’t come easy.
So back to the story, it took a lot for me to share my struggles with them. But I felt I was in a comfort zone with them. They were two people who I talked or texted with on a daily basis. Both moms who have busy lives with children much younger than my own. Both are ones that I feel a strong connection with and from the moment we met we clicked.
So I felt safe sharing my story with them. I needed someone to talk to and they were there for a moment but since I shared my story aka the saga with them, the calls and texts have stopped. I know they are busy and I am trying to think that is the reason. (And I am not going to give up on these friendships by all means. But I also need to find friends that are going through the transitions that I am going through as well.)
But I can’t help feeling since I shared my story abandoned. I am going through a big transition in my life one that I am not quite sure how it will come out. But I know that I will think twice about sharing and opening up again because let me tell you abandonment is not an issue that I ever want to deal with or need to deal with.
I have learned that that only person I can rely on is myself and I need to share with God and no one else. Because it is just not worth the amount of pain and anguish that I have felt these last couple of months. So when I say I am a total washout on friendships, doesn’t mean that I will give up my friends it just means that I will be more cautious sharing my story.
I have delved into the word more. The devotional Me, Myself and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild is amazing for doing just that. It has made me rethink how I talk to myself and to help dismiss some of the negativity. I am truly blessed that my faith will get me through all of this. I made this little reminder to put in my Bible because there is always something better ahead.
Love this Printable I made for my Bible, you can grab yours by downloading it here.
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