It’s the Little Things: Ways To Cultivate Your Relationship

Sometimes we have bad days. Sometimes we aren’t as patient as we should be. Sometimes we’re just plain selfish. Hey, we’re only human. But because of that little bitty fact, our relationships can suffer if we let them. But there is hope, and it’s in those last four words: If we let them. I believe that if we commit to cultivating our relationships, we can fight not just to make our relationships last but to make them stronger and more loving than ever before.

Honesty and Acceptance

A relationship is about two people coming together to do life. If a person is pretending to be someone they’re not, it ceases to be a relationship. And y’all, when I say, “pretending to be someone else,” I’m not talking about going on a dating website and posting a picture of when you were ten years younger and twenty pounds lighter. It’s little things like not being honest with what bothers you, pretending you’re fine when you’re miserable, or not admitting when you’ve made a mistake.

It’s good to set aside intentional time to sit down and talk about what’s really on your minds. Let your partner into your world. And when they let you into yours, be patient and gentle with what you find there, even if it’s not necessarily something you like.

Support Each Other’s Life Goals

“The two becoming one flesh” doesn’t mean that you both cease to be individuals. Part of accepting and loving your significant other is recognizing what their dreams are and supporting them. If he’s always wanted to run a marathon, cheer as he crosses the finish line. If she’s always wanted to sing, be her first test audience. Don’t let dreams become a point of separation. Make sharing in their dream a way to cultivate your relationship.

Remember the Important Things

Remembering the important things doesn’t just mean you remember your anniversary. It means you remember things that are important to your significant other. Remember things that he values or that she adores. Remember what their love language is. And if there’s something that you know upsets them, remember to treat that idea with care. Then, after you’ve done all this, yes, absolutely bring home flowers on your anniversary.

Remind Yourselves What Is True

In the heat of a fight or after a long day of work, sometimes all you can remember is how frustrated or exhausted you are. In a state like that, it’s easy to let lies set in—lies like, “Well, he’s always been inconsiderate,” or, “She’s always on my case.” As a date night, try sitting down and writing out all your favorite truths about your significant other. Write about how his heart is kind or how she’s patient with you. Then, when you’re frustrated with them, read those things out loud. And above all, remember this truth: you love them, and that love isn’t a feeling. It’s an action, and it’s a promise.