Dealing with Infidelity: After the Affair

Who says relationships can’t heal from the wounds caused by infidelity? This will, of course, depend on whether the love remains and the honesty with which the remains are explored, owned and understood. While all of this is important, partners should also have the capacity of reconnecting after betrayal.

Do you feel lost? Don’t worry; with the help of an infidelity therapist, you can be on your way to dealing with your relationship. Here’s a glimpse of what they would want you to do.  

  • End the Affair Properly

As your infidelity therapist would tell you, neuro-chemicals have a huge role to play when it comes to desires and attraction. This is why it will be important for the person who was involved in the affair to cut all communications with the person outside the relationship. By doing this, they will be able to give their relationship a fighting chance.

  • Put the Affair in Context

Among the most important steps of coming back from betrayal is to actually understand the affair while keeping the relationship in context. One person’s failure shouldn’t be the entire focus of the conversation – even though it can be understandably tempting to pile the blame and shame the person who resorted to cheating. By doing so, you will only have squandered the opportunities to address deeper problems of the relationship.

  • Understand How Both of You Feel

It is also very important for both people in the relationship to accept and understand what the other may be feeling because of the affair. The person who was betrayed will feel deeply sad, angry, jealous, and insecure. It is highly likely that they will begin obsessing over specific details of the affair and might seem hyper-vigilant about whether the affair is still not over. They will, of course, have disturbing mental images too.

The person who was part of the affair will be experiencing regret, shame, and a fear of getting punished continually. If they think their partner will let go of them, then they will begin to resent themselves and may even feel emptiness creeping up towards them.

  • You Will Have to Forgive at Some Point or Another

If you are the person that was hurt, there will be 2 types of days at first – the bad ones and the really bad ones. Your anger will be beyond words and you may even just feel like you can’t breathe. Granted, your partner will have to wear this punishment for a while. There will eventually be forgiveness, though. Your entire relationship will depend on this one decision. All you need is a little push.

Forgiveness is Healthy

With the right kind of counseling, you will be able to understand that forgiving is the step towards trusting again. Not being able to forgive your partner can be mentally exhausting and soon you will be able to realize that forgiveness is healthy for your relationship in the long-run.

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