5 Tips for a Smooth Child Custody Outcome
If you’re in the middle of working out a child custody plan with your ex, it’s not guaranteed to be a smooth ride. Hopefully, you’re working with a family law attorney, especially if you’re still going through a divorce.
A lawyer will make the process much easier and less stressful for everyone involved, but there are several additional ways to make your child custody situation a little smoother.
1. Keep your child’s best interests in mind
It’s important to keep your child’s best interests in mind throughout the entire process. Custody battles are hard on everyone but they will impact your kids the most. They’re going to need to get used to living in two different homes and switching between those homes every so often. Even if one parent only has visitation, it’s still going to be a big change.
The best thing you can do is keep things simple and easy for the sake of your kids. This begins with doing what’s best for your kids even if it’s a little harder on you. For example, you might not want to act nice around your ex, but you need to for the sake of your children. Never let your kids see you project anger toward your ex. If you do, it has the potential to make your kids feel anxiety and stress, and they might end up suppressing it for many years to come. By the time they’re ready to deal with it, they could have a family of their own.
Try to work out the best possible custody arrangement that doesn’t put too much pressure on your children. If it means rearranging your work schedule, don’t hesitate to make that happen.
2. Request custody plan changes
If you already have a custody arrangement in place that isn’t working for you, don’t be afraid to ask for changes. Circumstances change and it’s expected that when you either have to move or get a new job or something else happens, your custody plan might need some adjustments. For example, if you take a new job farther away from your home and you work late hours, you might not be able to take your child on certain days anymore. Or, you might struggle to meet your ex to drop your child off when it’s their turn to have custody.
3. Communicate sparingly with your ex
If you’re still friends with your ex and communicate easily, you’re lucky. Not everyone has that luxury. One of the fastest ways to make a custody situation easier is to cut down on communication with your ex. Don’t get involved in long conversations and don’t initiate them when unnecessary. Just be polite in front of your kids and communicate essential information through email or text messages.
4. Don’t fight the judge
Sometimes judges make decisions about custody that are unfavorable and don’t seem fair. While judges aren’t perfect and they certainly aren’t right all the time, they are only doing their best with the information available. Sometimes there is additional information that is either left out of your case or can’t be considered.
Understand that the judge is trying to put your child’s best interests first and if they have any reason to think you shouldn’t have full custody or share custody evenly, you may not be able to change their mind. Don’t fight the judge when the custody order is finalized. Instead, accept it and work with it while you get an attorney to help you make changes.
5. Have witnesses ready to testify
In some cases, the judge will give you the opportunity to present witnesses who can support your side of the custody battle. This might be helpful if you’re worried about your kids spending too much time with your ex for some reason. You might need a third-party witness to explain their observations of the situation to have the judge consider your points.
Not every witness will be allowed to testify, but if there’s a situation that warrants it, it doesn’t hurt to have them ready and willing ahead of time.
Custody isn’t about winning
Last, but not least, don’t think of your custody situation as a battle you must win. Consider it a process in which you and your ex work out a plan to share custody that works best for your child or children.
So very true. A child centered focus is key.