Wow my world just collided and crashed into oblivion but I realized that it didn’t crash because of the alternate universe it crashed because I once again set my expectations too high for not only myself but others as well. As I am typing this I am beyond upset it is a kind of scary that I am literally shaking. I haven’t been this upset in a long time so I needed this wake up call. Why because I have been content in playing the victim for too long? Why because I am stronger than people think I am? Why because if you mess with me and my family I will strike back? Why because I am tired of hurting and being hurt by others? Why just because? At some point we all as people need to fess up to our mistakes let go and become better people because of it. So these are my confessions——– Most of the time I make things out to be better than they are. I always tend to look at things in a positive way seeing two sides to every story unless it is my side than I am stubborn. This year has been beyond awful for us. With Gracie’s illness, the car accident along with slowing watching people I love battling that dreaded disease called cancer. It is hard to be positive. I have learned to take the simplest thing in life and make it a bright spot. Which brings me to the second confession. The littlest things make me happy. Almost to the point of giddy with excitement but then I go overboard because that one little spark of happiness makes a bright spot in an absolutely dreadful year that I would just like to forget about. As I have said before my happy place where the whole family can go and escape for a little awhile is Wake Med Soccer Park to see the Carolina Railhawks play. This past year we decided to make the move to buy season tickets not realizing how many games we would miss throughout the year. At the time we could afford it financially or at least we thought we could but then Gracie’s illnesses occurred and the struggle and sacrifices that we had to make to get those season tickets paid off was a battle in itself. (At one point Gracie could not even attend school so I had to stay home from my job as a teacher, which I love, to be with her.) And let’s not even mention the bills that have piled up since the accident. Now we are faced with whether or not to buy season tickets for next year and I can honestly say that we are on the fence about it. On the one hand we get so much enjoyment from going to the games and being with the family but at what point do you say that it is not worth making your family sacrifice more for just a few hours of peace and joy. I know I put a lot into going to games but you have to understand this is basically the only time that we all come together as a family to enjoy time together. My husband works long hard hours and the only time that I get him to take time off is to go to a soccer game. My girls are getting older and soon they will be out on their own. Kind of see a little bit of this now as my oldest is away at UNCG, I do the happy dance every time that I know I get to see her but soon Mikaela, my middle daughter will be joining her as she is a Junior in high school and I know not to long after that Gracie will be following in their footsteps. As all of my girls have lofty career dreams- psychiatrist, architect, and veterinarian in that order. So basically I am wondering and asking should we pay for another year of season tickets or should we just let this short time go by. It saddens me to think of letting go of something we all enjoy but in the same sense it also makes me aware of how short life can be and we have to grab the moments when we can. I am not going to lie this year has been the hardest year I have ever faced besides losing my sister, who was my best friend , of cancer when I was six months pregnant with Maddie, my oldest. As I am writing this I am tears, it just doesn’t seem real. So basically I am asking in all honesty your opinion on what we should we do? Should I make the leap again for the tickets or should we just let something that brings all of us so much enjoyment go? I would love to know what you think.
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