“Weekends Away Guest Post”- My Experience with an ADHD Child
Frugal Mom note: I applaud Carli for writing this post. This is one subject that is near and dear to my heart because I too have a ADHD child. I will share more of my struggles with her in a later post. She has given me courage to post about that.
My Experience with an ADHD Child
I thought long and hard about what to write for Frugalmom and finally decided to tell my story. Before I begin I should just let you know up front that I’m not suggesting that anyone do what I did or that my way is the right way; I’m just simply telling you my experience. I’m the mom of three children, two now grown and one 15 and at home. This little “story” is about my middle child (and oldest son) Colton who is 19.
Colton was always difficult as far as temperament from the start. Very strong-willed and sensitive. He didn’t speak until he was three and was in speech and occupational therapy through kindergarten. Perhaps his inability to communicate attributed to his mood swings.
As all little kids do, he would get in trouble on occasion, maybe he hit his sister (who is three years older) or maybe he knowingly ripped apart a book. Whatever. Kid stuff. I was advised to put him in timeout by his pediatrician. But he wouldn’t stay and it was more a battle of wills. Then I was advised by his therapist to sit in the chair and hold him while in time out. This resulted in me having black eyes and bloody noses. I looked like I was a battered wife. Only I didn’t have a husband and the batterer was only three. His anger and behavior escalated until he literally put holes in the wall, ripped doors off hinges. You know…fun stuff!
Finally I did the most horrible thing that a mother could imagine. I had him admitted into a psychiatric unit. At four. I really didn’t know what else to do and all the conventional wisdom of therapists and pediatricians weren’t helping me. They diagnosed him with ADHD and put him on Ritalin.
Soon he was in school and the Ritalin didn’t seem to be helping. The teachers had a difficult time handling him and so he was switched to Adderall. I have to tell you; I didn’t like that kid who was on Adderall. My normally rambunctious outgoing child was a bump on a log. Sure he was “controllable” but by five and six he had learned to back off on his anger a little bit. It was just hard to keep him still.
Before I knew it Colton was in third grade, then fourth. I’d make suggestions to teachers about how to keep him occupied but they wouldn’t go for it. When I suggested that they give him extra worksheets since his work was completed early they’d say no. Seriously, you’re too lazy to give my kid extra work? You’d rather me keep him doped up (which at this time I was still doing) and then yell at him for constant fidgeting when he’s bored? I didn’t ask them to grade the work…just give it to him.
By this time I was remarried and neither me or my husband (still my husband) liked Colton on the Adderall. Yes, we know he might be difficult to handle without it but wasn’t it our jobs as parents to figure out what to do with him? Then a miracle happened. Between fourth and fifth grade he tried out for band and made it as a drummer! I bet you wonder why this is a miracle – let me tell you.
This whole time we’d been trying to get Colton interested in some sort of extra-curricular activity. We, his parents, felt that if he has some place to focus his energy we could get things under control. He had a slight interest in the drums so we decided to go for it. Despite the fact that we were still on state aid with food stamps and such we scraped up the money each month to send Colton to drum lessons all summer long between fourth and fifth grade (the grade you actually start playing). See, we knew he wouldn’t keep at it if he wasn’t any good.
As the summer wore on we started to see a difference in Colton…he was focused! Focused on the drums…but definitely focused! Against our pediatricians advice we started to wean him off the Adderall. By fifth grade he was totally off and we rarely got complaints about Colton’s behavior!
Now don’t think that this is some huge happy story; there are still trials despite the fact that Colton is now 19. He still struggles every day with depression (which in hind-site was probably the appropriate diagnosis all along). But he has more good days than bad days. Colton’s grades were never very good. But let me tell you all of the great things about Colton…
It turns out that Colton is a natural musician! He plays all percussion instruments, keyboard/piano, brass instruments, and guitar. If you put it in front of him, he’ll play it! In high school he and his friends started a band – and yes, they actually got paid. Now that he’s in college the band is no more but he has so many other opportunities presented to him. Apparently, grades aren’t always the most important thing because three quarters of his tuition is paid for by musical scholarships (yes, very rare for music) and we pay no more – if not less—than we would to send him to the local community college. Colton will be traveling to Italy, France and Serbia with his music this summer. And while his roommate his horrible — which doesn’t help with his moods (I so wish I could afford a private room for him!) — he does seem to be doing better and better every day.
So I’m not advising you to take kids off of any medications, nor am I advising you to take matters into your own hands. What I didn’t do, and hope that you do, is to continue to seek answers until you’re satisfied with the course of treatment for your child. Don’t just except that this is what’s done. You are the parent and you know what is best. Keep going until you find the right solution for your child.
Carli
Carli writes Grandmas Guide to Life. Go by and visit her and tell her I sent you.
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i wanted to add that in my experience i found that a child i thought was dhd was actually nutrient defecient and particularly in magnesium. i believe that most kids are nutrint defecient because once they supplement vitamins , it changes thm drastically