Helpful Tips for Connecting With Your Tween Daughter

When your child starts loudly shutting their bedroom door, you may feel like it’s shutting on your heart. But the transition from “girl” to “teen” can be awkward at the least and painful at worst—this goes for both of you. Don’t give up, y’all. Just adjust your approach with these helpful tips for connecting with your tween daughter.

Listen to Her Vent

Welcome to the world of adolescent angst! Get used to the eye rolls—not to mention the incessant repetition of the word “cringe.” She will complain and despair, only to dissolve abruptly into a fit of giggles. Don’t try to understand it, and don’t take it personally. She has hormones ricocheting all over, and some of them will inevitably hit you. Practice listening without making suggestions or offering advice. She probably doesn’t want to hear actual solutions to her problems—and certainly not from you. Repeat after me: “Thank you for telling me that.” That’s all.

Let Her Lead

Sometimes, all you can do is be there for when she wants to talk. Her conversations might be something innocuous, like a bad joke she heard or a request for more clothes, but you can learn a lot from what she says anyway. A lot of what’s on her mind is hard to talk about—a changing body, confusing feelings, uncertainty about the future. She’ll have friends on each end of the maturity spectrum at this point, and she undoubtedly feels exhausted from trying to figure out where she fits in. Every single time she decides to share something with you, it’s a victory.

Redecorate Her Room

How can you acknowledge that she’s growing up in a non-embarrassing way? Give her a little control over her surroundings by redecorating her room. This process can pose a tricky balance, especially if she wants to know why she can’t paint her walls black and chartreuse. But it’s a valuable glimpse into how her identity is evolving and gives her a healthy chance to express herself. Establish clear limits from the outset, and prepare to compromise. You don’t have to spend any more money than you want to—luckily, young girls can get very creative by upcycling old furniture and crafting their own décor.

Experiment With Makeup

No, your daughter shouldn’t feel the need to wear fake eyelashes to the mall tomorrow, but it’s time to start the conversation. If she starts talking about products or tutorials, take an interest in what she takes an interest in. Some girls want a touch of lip gloss; some want to go full Lady Gaga. She might love the special-effects aspect of makeup or contouring like a Kardashian. One of the most helpful tips for connecting with your tween daughter is to know what she’s doing on social media; so, here’s one way to do just that. She might show you who she follows on YouTube or TikTok. Play it cool, and talk about the concept of beauty—both inside and out. If you can nudge her toward loving and accepting herself, you can feel pretty good about yourself, too.

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