8 Strategies for Helping Kids Adjust To Child Custody
As many as half of all first marriages end in divorce, with second and subsequent marriages even more likely to end. Many of these relationships produced children, who often end up caught between warring parents fighting over custody.
Women are awarded custody of the children in 83% of cases, with 22% of fathers seeing their children at least once a week after the divorce. 10% of child custody cases end up resolved via mediation.
Adjusting to child custody arrangements can be difficult for kids of any age. As a parent, you can use several effective strategies to make this transition easier for your children. Experienced child custody attorneys share eight tips:
1. Keep Communication Open
Open and honest communication is key during this process. Talk to your kids about what the custody schedule will look like in simple, age-appropriate terms. Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings. Avoid blaming or talking negatively about the other parent in front of the kids. Keeping the lines of communication open will help minimize confusion and anxiety. Be aware that divorce is traumatic for children, and more than 66% of kids report being affected by a traumatic event by the time they are 16.
2. Create Consistency
Dramatic changes in routines can be unsettling for children. Aim to establish some consistency between the two households in terms of rules, discipline, schedules, etc. Kids will feel more secure when there is predictability and routine across both environments. Discuss consistency strategies with your co-parent. If the other parent refuses to cooperate, speak with child custody lawyers to try and get some fixed arrangements in place for visitation.
3. Involve Kids When Possible
Give kids some voice in the custody arrangements when appropriate. For example, allow older children to give input on the custody schedule. Avoid forcing decisions on kids without their collaboration when possible. Involving children will help them feel more in control.
4. Help Kids Express Emotions
This adjustment can bring up complicated emotions like sadness, anger, and confusion for kids. Give them healthy outlets for coping with these feelings. Arts and crafts, physical activities, and journaling can allow kids to process emotions. Reassure them it’s normal to feel this way.
5. Avoid Putting Kids in the Middle
Never use kids as messengers between you and your co-parent. Don’t pump them for information about the other household. Don’t make them “choose sides” in any dispute. Keep adult issues between adults only. Kids should not be put in the middle.
6. Maintain Healthy Communication with Co-Parent
Keep communication civil, calm, and focused on the kids’ well-being, even if you have a rocky relationship with your ex. Model healthy communication and teamwork with your co-parent. Kids do better when parents get along.
7. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Some kids adjust easily, while others struggle with the transition. Seek help from a child therapist or counselor if your child exhibits prolonged behavioral issues, depression, or anxiety related to the changed family dynamic – as many as 3.2% of children are diagnosed with depression in the US each year. Don’t hesitate to get professional support.
The custody adjustment process can be smooth and minimized with the right support and coping strategies. Listen and empathize as your kids share their concerns. With time, reassurance, and consistency, children can adapt successfully to new custody arrangements.
