How to Support Your Kids Through a Child Custody Transition
Half of first marriages end in failure, which can be expensive, with couples spending an average of $7,000 to divorce their spouse. 50% of children will witness their parents divorce, with 21% of children growing up fatherless.
For couples with children, a custody agreement will need to be put in place. Going through a divorce and adjusting to a new child custody arrangement can be very difficult and confusing for children.
Attorney Julie Twyford, founder of the Twyford Law Office in Seattle, WA, recommends consulting with a Seattle Child Custody attorney to help ensure that your custody agreement is fair and in the best interests of your children. As a parent, there are several strategies you can use to help your kids transition as smoothly as possible.
Communicate Openly
Open and honest communication is key. Talk to your children about the changes in age-appropriate ways. Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings. Avoid blaming your ex-spouse. Stay positive when talking about the other parent. Kids often internalize conflicts, so keeping communication calm and constructive is important – children whose parents are divorcing are twice as likely to drop out of school.
Stick to the Routine
Consistent routines give kids a sense of stability. Try to keep their schedules, rules, and responsibilities as similar as possible in both households. Regular routines for bedtime, meals, homework, chores, etc. will help maintain normalcy. Avoid scheduling big events and activities on transition days.
Facilitate Regular Contact
Make sure your kids connect regularly with the non-custodial parent via phone calls, video chats, texts, letters, and visits. Don’t restrict access unless absolutely necessary. Nurture the child-parent bond by speaking positively about the other parent’s role. Respect visitation agreements and support their relationship.
Coordinate with Your Co-Parent
Co-parenting cooperatively is vital. Discuss parenting decisions, schedules, rules, responsibilities, holidays, vacations, expenses, school events, health issues, and more. Present a united front whenever possible. Use calendars, apps, and notebooks to coordinate. Compromise when needed and remain cordial. Avoid putting kids in the middle, which can lead to behavioral issues.
Allow Kids to Share Feelings
Let your kids express themselves freely. Provide outlets like journals, art/play activities, and open discussions. Don’t dismiss or criticize their feelings. Offer empathy, reassurance, and comfort. Help them identify and label emotions. Seek counseling if needed to address behavioral or emotional difficulties.
Establish New Traditions
Embrace establishing meaningful new traditions and rituals in your home, like pizza night, game night, or movie night. Respect old traditions too. Kids draw comfort from familiar traditions. Blend customs from both families. Make new memories together.
Enlist Outside Support
Connect kids with mentors, coaches, and other positive role models to provide additional stability. Maintain involvement in hobbies, sports teams, and clubs they enjoy. Ensure caregivers, teachers, and relatives help support adjustments. Counseling can help kids process emotions as well.
Focus on the Positives
Remind kids they are still loved. Emphasize that they have two homes and two loving families now. Do fun activities together. Offer praise and encouragement as they adjust. Celebrate small victories. Convey hope for the future and reassure them it will get easier. With time and support, children are remarkably resilient.
Work with an Experienced Divorce Lawyer
When going through a divorce, it is wise to work with an experienced divorce lawyer. A good lawyer can advise you on your rights and options while negotiating the best settlement for you. Be open and honest with your lawyer about all aspects of your situation so they can build the strongest case. Follow their counsel during the process and avoid taking unilateral actions that could undermine your interests. Maintain clear communication and reasonable expectations. Though emotionally difficult, allowing your lawyer to handle the legal complexities can lead to the most favorable outcome.
