What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone Who Is Grieving

Grief is a profoundly personal experience that everyone navigates in their way. When someone you care about is grieving, you might feel unsure of what to say, or worried about saying the wrong thing. Offering support can feel like a tightrope between being helpful and unintentionally hurtful. Knowing the right words to say, and just as importantly, what not to say, can help you be a compassionate presence during a difficult time.

Here’s a guide to help you empathize and care when someone you know is grieving. A funeral director can guide you on what to say—and what to avoid—when offering comfort to someone who is grieving, helping you express sympathy with compassion and sensitivity.

What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving

1. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

This simple statement is often the most appropriate. It’s sincere and respectful and doesn’t attempt to minimize the pain or provide answers. It acknowledges the loss without trying to fix anything.

2. “I’m here for you.”

Letting someone know you’re available for support, whether listening, helping with errands, or being there, is powerful. Grieving people often feel isolated, and this kind of reassurance can make a meaningful difference.

3. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.”

Rather than assuming you understand how someone feels, acknowledge that you don’t. It allows the grieving person to express their emotions without feeling like others.

4. “Take all the time you need.”

Everyone grieves at their own pace. Encouraging your loved one to go at their speed without pressure to “move on” shows respect for their healing process.

5. “I remember when…”

Sharing a positive or comforting memory of the person who passed away can bring comfort. It keeps their memory alive and can offer a moment of warmth during a painful time.

6. “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.”

Grief is unpredictable. Letting someone know that all emotions, sadness, anger, guilt, and even numbness are valid helps them feel accepted and understood.

What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving

Even with good intentions, specific phrases can be dismissive or hurtful. Here are some everyday things to avoid:

1. “They’re in a better place.”

That may be comforting to some, especially if they share the same beliefs. Still, it can feel dismissive or even painful to others. It may come across as trying to explain away the loss instead of acknowledging the pain.

2. “I know how you feel.”

Even if you’ve experienced a similar loss, no two grief journeys are the same. It’s more supportive to say, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” than to assume your experiences are identical.

3. “Everything happens for a reason.”

This well-meaning phrase often does more harm than good. During grief, trying to assign a reason to the loss can feel insensitive or even cruel.

4. “It’s time to move on.”

Grief has no set timeline. Suggesting someone “move on” can feel like you’re rushing them through their process. Instead, support them where they are.

5. “At least you have other children / your health / good memories.”

While intended to help someone focus on the positive, these comments can be dismissive. Grief doesn’t disappear in the face of other blessings.

6. “Be strong.”

Telling someone to be strong implies that they must suppress their emotions. It’s better to create space for them to feel and express whatever they need to.

Additional Ways to Show Support

Words are just one way to offer comfort. Often, actions can express support even more effectively.

1. Check in regularly

People often receive much support immediately after a loss, but that can fade quickly. Continuing to check in, weeks or months later, lets your loved one know they’re not forgotten.

2. Respect their boundaries

Sometimes, people need space. If they aren’t ready to talk or respond immediately, respect their needs without taking it personally.

3. Remember essential dates

Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays can be tough. A simple message or call on those days can mean a lot and show that you’re still thinking of them.

Everyone Grieves Differently

One of the most important things to remember is that grief looks different for everyone. Some people want to talk about their feelings, while others might need silence and solitude. Some will cry openly, while others process more internally. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and that means there’s no perfect script for what to say.

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone who is grieving doesn’t require perfect words. Often, the simple things, being there, listening without judgment, and offering small acts of kindness, mean the most. By avoiding phrases that minimize their pain and choosing words that validate and support, you can help your loved one feel seen, heard, and cared for as they navigate their loss.