If You Only Knew… The Real Me
How many people know the real you?? People may think they know the real me but in actuality there are very few that know me very well. First, I mask my emotions. I am always happy on the outside but inside I am crying. I am often embarrassed when friends ask me to go out and I have to refuse. It is not because I don’t want to go out it is because I don’t have the money to go out with them. But instead of telling them up front and being embarrassed I just either blow them off or just say I can’t go. I have lost friends because I am not honest with them because I can’t open myself up to people easily.
When people say things to me that hurt instead of voicing my thoughts on the subject, I tend to laugh it off but inside I am hurting. I mean even being called a b**tch or wh*** in playful mode still hurts me. I have also been one of those people that show one side in public and one side at home. Just ask my girls, when I blow I blow. My temper rages. I tend to cuss a lot when I am a having my let’s face it temper tantrums. Yes folks I have temper tantrums and they aren’t pretty. And when I blow look out because nothing is safe.
I am also one to hold grudges. If you hurt me or one of my family look out. I will not have anything to do with you until I see a change in the way you treat my family. I am also very protective of those I love, right down to the fur babies. I didn’t like the way the first place I took Allie to be groomed treated her so I never went back. But love the one that we take her to now.
I am fiercely loyal. If you hurt one of my friends than you hurt me. But I am also the one to be able to see two sides of an argument unless I am the one arguing. That is where the next fact comes in I am STUBBORN. Any one that knows my dad can see where I get that from. It is hard for me sometimes to overcome this but I have been working hard on it.
I find it very hard to share my feelings. So I hid behind the mask of always being happy. I am very insecure and often times don’t voice my opinions because I am afraid of being judged by others. I never feel like I measure up to anybody standards. I always look at other people and say they have it so together why can’t I be like that. I also struggle with very low self esteem. If you only knew how I really feel about the way I look and the way I dress. That is one of the reason I always behind the camera and not in front of it.  I always feel like I am not worthy of having friends, so I tend to have a few close friends for a while but once they start getting really close to knowing the real me I tend to find excuses for not wanting to hang out. I have very few friends that I have known longer than a few years.
My family is the most important thing to me. I tend to plan my activities around my girls activities. I am sad to see my oldest Maddie going off to college because some days she is the only person that I have an adult conversation with her. I don’t have that kind of relationship with my middle daughter, she tends to talk to her dad about stuff like that. And Gracie is just Gracie lol.
I also suffer from depression and tend to become a hermit when the walls of depression start closing in. For a while I stopped posting personal stuff because I just couldn’t deal with everything but I learned that I felt worse when I didn’t share. So look for a lot of personal stuff from me in the near future.
So know you know some of the real me….. What do you think? What would be the one thing that people would be surprised to know about you?
Love The Real Me,
Melissa AKA Frugal Mom
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You would b surprised at how alike we are. I’ve gotten better about being “real” as I have gotten older thankfully, but it can still be hard in certain situations until you really get to know others as well.
<3 aww sweetie. Love you and I think you are beautiful and wonderful. When I'm depressed I run or exercise, it really really helps. We all get frustrated, it means you are human. I'm here if you ever want to vent.
I think there are a lot of things people would be surprised to know about me. I’m generally a very quiet person, but with those I know really well, I’m goofy and silly and sometimes can’t shut up!
Thanks Mandie you are one of my best online friends. 🙂
I am usually very outgoing and quick to joke around and laugh. However, inside (and at home), I second guess everything I’ve said and worry that I have hurt people’s feelings. My husband has helped me with this a lot, but it still lingers there…
Melissa, I love to see your posts on Facebook–you encourage me more often than you know. Thanks for being real. . .I completely relate <3 I am honored to know you, even if it's just in virtual life!
I struggled with being ‘two people’ in this way for a long time. I was evnetually diagnosed with depression & a couple of other mental illnesses and after a few years of therapy I found more self confidence and then was able to ‘mesh’ the versions of myself into multiple people. But, I think most people who follow my blog or know me from my social media online woudl still be surprised at how shy I am in real life. I am incredibly shy, to the point of being socially awkward.
Love this post, so real. I know it’s hard to show the real you – I do it all the time. I too am one to hold it in and then BLOW. People may not know just how introverted I really am.
Wow! That took a lot of bravery to write that! It was amazing. I do many of those things. I always avoided things because of my ED. I rarely was able to socialize. And, I can cuss like a sailor when Ashton makes me mad!
First thank you for writing such a transparent post about yourself. That took some courage and I applaud that! There are only a handful of people that know the “real me”. Its tough for me to let others in.